How to Stay Out of the Friend Zone

friend zones

A friend of mine recently rehashed a discussion he had with someone else about the “Friend Zone”. Hmmm what is the “Friend Zone” you ask? The Friend Zone is when a person you are romantically interested in place you in the box of “just a friend”. I know you’re thinking well isn’t it good to be a friend first before anything? Yes I do agree with that but it is different levels to it. You must be clear with your intentions from the jump, do not be their counselor, do not get too friendish  with them, and lastly be real and speak your mind/heart.

Firstly, you have to be real with yourself. What do you really want out of this person that you are pursuing or want to pursue? When you know what you want from them you should make that very clear in advance. Do not put yourself in a situation where you unconsciously become the go-to person for the open ear and shoulder to cry on. It’s nice to have sympathy for a person but don’t let it get too deep. I’m pretty sure this person has close friends they can already seek to vent about certain things mainly romance woes. You may want to diffuse that situation quickly before it gets out of hand.

Surely, you can get to know the person and talk about personal matters such as dreams, goals, likes/dislikes and other things of that nature. Let the conversation flow in a fun, a little flirty, and easy manner. Never let it be a one sided situation where they are sharing all of their woes and you are their adviser/counselor. Keep it light. You have to make sure they know you are not their counselor, you are a person who would love to eventually become the one for them.

    When you spend time with this person, let it be known to them that you consider this a special occasion. Not saying this has to be extravagant. Rewording your invitation to them might do the trick. Example, instead of saying lets get together to hang out, why not say, “Are you free this Friday, I would love to take you out?” or instead of saying come over for pizza and movies say, “I would like to have a special in-house movie and pizza date with you, are you available”? In my opinion that’s not coming off too pushy but you are making it clear that you’re not trying to hang out as buds, you have a special interest in mind.

    I can go on and on with pointers to stay out of the friend zone. Out of everything I can say most importantly, speak your mind. A closed mouth will never get fed. You are indeed the author of your own love story!!

Soulfully True

Letter to my (future) Husband written years ago

Love is patient, love is kind!

quotes-1188

Dear Love,

I know I’m not supposed to be looking for you because I know you’ll come to me when the time is perfectly right. All I can do now is wait patiently and work on myself. I’m not looking for you to make me happy all by yourself. I know I have to be able to make myself happy first. I’ve found myself in confusing situations when it comes to matters of the heart. I’ve been with guys and they say they love me and I say I love them but I really don’t feel as if they are the one for me. Don’t be discouraged, they all were just practice. I want to be loved flaws and all and I want to give you the same back in return. I don’t want to feel neglected or put down. I know you wouldn’t ever do that to me my true love. I want someone that’s my friend first and lover second. I want to be open with you. I want you to be a good listener so I can tell you how I feel whether it’s good or bad. I want you to have goals and ambitions, definitely wanting something out of life and not afraid to go for it. I want to feel as if you want me just as much as I want you not a one-sided thing. When I love I love hard and I need you to be worthy of my love. I’m a woman and I love feeling special. Please provide me with all the love and attention I deserve. I will always give my all and always make you feel like the man you are because you, the love of my life, deserve what I have to give. Baby we have to keep an open line of communication for without it I don’t see how we can make it. I know everything isn’t perfect but are you willing to work on it because I know I’m more than ready and willing. I know trust is built over time but you have to want to trust me and I have to want to trust you. Baby I don’t doubt you at all and I know we can make it if we try. I love you and I’ll see you in the future. xoxoxo Your’s Truly Soulfully True

Reap What You Sow

karma

Is it true? What goes up must come down

The things you do comes back around

When you’ve betrayed someone’s trust is it true that someone might just try that on you?

At first i didn’t believe that saying but now it seems so true

When you really like someone it feels so good at first

Until they do something that makes your feelings change from good to worst

Why does it have to happen like this is it something I did in the past?

I feel really guilty for that but how long is this payback of the past gonna last

As long as it takes? I guess so

I now know it’s true you reap what you sow

Let it Go

growing apart

I know it hurts for you to let go because it’s hurts for me too

But to be honest, lately it’s also been hurting to hold on for me and you

The love is there but the pain, the stress, the complication is getting the best of us

You’re not doing all you can to help save us

This has been an experience, my patience has grown so thick

I remember past situations in my life that I’ve taken the exit door quick

Me staying here waiting for you is cheating me from what I deserve and that’s not what I wanna do

On a positive note I wanna stick it out and have more faith in us but the optimistic gets tired too!!

As a woman I’ve sacrificed what my soul is yearning on your promise to deliver

It’s like I wanna sail along but our boat is stuck in the middle of the river

One ultimate goal in my love life is growing together with someone and not apart

I know all good things don’t come easy but I don’t think it should be this hard

Yes we have great times, our existence is not misery

Right now it’s bigger than that I can’t live in the moment I live for long term growth actually

In other words, I’m positive but I have to look at the big picture

I’m all about improving the grey areas in life that’s actually how we differ

If you’re losing hope on life how can I stay strong and keep the hope for us

I need people around who help strengthen me like I do for them right now that is a must!!!

I know it hurts for us to let go but is it worth staying if we won’t/can’t grow?

SoulfullyTrue

The Past

past

It wont let me go

Trying to trap me in this time machine, I just wanna let go

It’s comforting but toxic the same

It’s a reason why it’s a closed chapter, something’s to blame

To have your cake and eat it too isn’t how it was written

Playing in the fields with wolves you’re sure to get bitten

It seems like you’re happy with your life so let me live mine

We can’t move forward and hold on, that’s not how it’s designed

I’m happy for you and this goodbye will be my last

I’m moving on with my future… You are the past.

No New Friends??? Really?

social

As a young woman approaching a new age bracket, I’m beginning to see things a lot differently. Certainly I’ve always been a social butterfly in a sense but now I’m even more up for the challenge of meeting new people of all different walks of life. Of course I have a close-knit group of friends whom I’ve been around for years but I don’t like to subject myself to just them.

Socializing and networking with new people allows you the opportunity to grow as a person. A lot of people, mainly women, are catty about developing new relationships with other women.  Being closed-minded and stuck in clique mode is absolutely limiting. Life can quickly go into the doldrums dealing with the same people and same things day in and day out. How can you learn about new things such as events, jobs, or even hobbies if you exclude yourself from the rest of the world socially? Not saying become besties or girl pals with everyone you come in contact with but these same “strangers” could one day be your colleagues, business partners, spiritual advisers, clients, mentor, etc.

Drake says, “No New Friends”, I say, “Broaden Your Horizons”