The Master-Plan is not always Master

gods plan

In life we all make plans. These big, grand plans of the way we want things to go in our life. It’s pretty ironic that nothing ever goes as planned.

I’ve been on my current job for 7 years in a position that although I am blessed to have doesn’t make me feel very great. But I had a plan. My plan was to continue working my mediocre job and finish my education since my company pays for it 100%. No matter how unhappy I was with with my job I was going to stick to my plan. Guess what I almost made it until an unexpected loop got thrown into my “grand plan”. Last Thursday I was called into an impromptu meeting that I did not see coming at all. This meeting included my immediate supervisor, the head of the department, another staff member and a man in a suit that I was soon to learn was a HR personnel. I was all smiles as usual thinking this was a usual workday meeting. To my surprise the other staff member and myself were handed a 90 day notice of our job ending. Not in a million years did I expect this to happen. After all I had “planned” to graduate college on my job’s dime and gladly hand them my 2 weeks’s notice and go find this wonderful job in my desired field. Boy did they bring me back to earth. It took all I had to hold my tears in and not cry in front of the people who are putting a stunt in my livelihood.

My initial thoughts were OMG what am I going to do? My second thoughts were well hey maybe this is meant. I have 90 days to figure out a plan. There I go with this “plan” mess lol. I was giving the permission to go home early and come to terms with things. I was in shock and disbelief but aside from that I saw a gleam of sunshine. I have been struggling taking care of a family, working a full time job, and juggling classes. The latter of course had my least focus. I’ve been in school the last so many years but it has kind of taken the backseat of everything else. Especially work. It got hard. My grades were starting to slip. I stressed trying to figure out how I could do an internship in my field to kind of get a feel of things. Once I got home from work, cleaned, and fed my family. I was often too tired to pick up a school book. I never felt I had time to focus and give 100% on the thing that was most important to me. Could this curve ball layoff that wasn’t a part of my “plan” be exactly what I needed? Is this my opportunity to combine my savings, the severance pay they will give me, and use my unemployment benefits to focus on my last year of school? In addition to the cash amount of my severance package, the company is also willing to pay for 2 more years of school. Wow I’m winning right?!

I haven’t shared my news with many but the one’s I have are so supportive. I was actually expecting a lot of negative feedback but the one’s closest to me never lost sight of my potential. They believe in me and know I will be A ok whatever direction I decide to take. For that I am so grateful. My significant other seems worried although he won’t admit but I assured him everything will be A ok. Everything happens for a reason. Although what lies ahead of me is very scary since I don’t have any solid “plans” I am very optimistic. Plans are meant to change so why not just have an idea of things and just go with the flow. I have a pilot that is in charge of the journey of my life. He just had to remind me. God is great! I can’t say everything will be perfect and peachy. I can’t say I won’t get sad and cry sometimes. I can’t say I have it all figured it out. What I can say is everything will be ok. I really believe that!

Let it Go

growing apart

I know it hurts for you to let go because it’s hurts for me too

But to be honest, lately it’s also been hurting to hold on for me and you

The love is there but the pain, the stress, the complication is getting the best of us

You’re not doing all you can to help save us

This has been an experience, my patience has grown so thick

I remember past situations in my life that I’ve taken the exit door quick

Me staying here waiting for you is cheating me from what I deserve and that’s not what I wanna do

On a positive note I wanna stick it out and have more faith in us but the optimistic gets tired too!!

As a woman I’ve sacrificed what my soul is yearning on your promise to deliver

It’s like I wanna sail along but our boat is stuck in the middle of the river

One ultimate goal in my love life is growing together with someone and not apart

I know all good things don’t come easy but I don’t think it should be this hard

Yes we have great times, our existence is not misery

Right now it’s bigger than that I can’t live in the moment I live for long term growth actually

In other words, I’m positive but I have to look at the big picture

I’m all about improving the grey areas in life that’s actually how we differ

If you’re losing hope on life how can I stay strong and keep the hope for us

I need people around who help strengthen me like I do for them right now that is a must!!!

I know it hurts for us to let go but is it worth staying if we won’t/can’t grow?

SoulfullyTrue

Finding Me

Featured image

On the outside I look so strong and put together to people. People say they look up to me and admire the woman I am. I am often put on a pedestal by some and just don’t always understand how I deserve such honor. Do they know I’m just a confused but determined person that’s trying to find my niche in this world. I’m not saying I’m fragile or weak but I feel like I’m in this world choosing dots to connect the puzzle of my life. I don’t know if the next dot I choose is the correct path to get me where I am trying to go. Truth is, I’m not sure if I even know where I am trying to go. I want to be successful, I want to be happy, I want to tap into my passion. Sometimes I wonder if I missed a key clue to the formula of my life. No I’m not complaining or feel like I have a jacked up life, I just feel it’s something out there for me to make me feel more complete but I really cannot put my finger on it just yet. I talk to a lot of people, take classes, read and utilize any other resource I can use to help me tap into self. I don’t know what I need to do but I sincerely want to get there. To the woman I am put here to be! My thoughts…. SoulfullyTrue

The Journey to Me

faithAs a growing, young professional it is awesome to be reminded that I am not alone in this journey of finding self. In my mind, everyone who is 30 and up or approaching it has everything figured out for their life. In that same mind, I see myself as the only one who is unsure and lacking a solid plan. Don’t get me wrong, I have goals, I am in school determined to earn a degree in my chosen area of study but I often find myself wondering is this really what i am suppose to do? Is this the correct path for me? Will I actually be good at this? What I have learned at some seminars I’ve recently attended is we all go through uncertainty in life. The important thing is not to drown in that uncertainty. Grab a raft and swim in it. Always set small goals for yourself to give yourself a reason to celebrate your successes. Even if you set a goal to eat out less during the month of April. When May rolls around you can celebrate that great accomplishment!! Setting small goals help you to feel better about yourself while working on long term goals. As long as you are committing to things to better yourself and others you are absolutely being successful. Do not ever measure your level of success to others or you’ll always feel inadequate which is a shame because you don’t know what others have been through to get where they are. Also, everything isn’t always as it seem. You may be down on yourself by comparing your success to your peers not knowing they may not have reached the level they aspire to reach.  Some people know how to fake it until they make it. They look successful and feel successful because they embrace their small accomplishments and have a plan even though they may be nowhere near completing it. All in all, we have to learn not to beat up ourselves for what we haven’t accomplished but celebrate ourselves for all of the greatness and small and large accomplishments we have achieved.

No New Friends??? Really?

social

As a young woman approaching a new age bracket, I’m beginning to see things a lot differently. Certainly I’ve always been a social butterfly in a sense but now I’m even more up for the challenge of meeting new people of all different walks of life. Of course I have a close-knit group of friends whom I’ve been around for years but I don’t like to subject myself to just them.

Socializing and networking with new people allows you the opportunity to grow as a person. A lot of people, mainly women, are catty about developing new relationships with other women.  Being closed-minded and stuck in clique mode is absolutely limiting. Life can quickly go into the doldrums dealing with the same people and same things day in and day out. How can you learn about new things such as events, jobs, or even hobbies if you exclude yourself from the rest of the world socially? Not saying become besties or girl pals with everyone you come in contact with but these same “strangers” could one day be your colleagues, business partners, spiritual advisers, clients, mentor, etc.

Drake says, “No New Friends”, I say, “Broaden Your Horizons”