Sometimes the most gut wrenching things that happen in your life are caused by an outside source. You can be in your own world trying to walk a straight line and build a positive life for yourself and your future and drama can fall right in your lap. In the past I have addressed the drama. I fussed, I fought. Whatever you can think of I did it.
Quite recently I found myself in battle of words with someone I hold very dear to my heart. The tone, the words that were said left me in an ocean of tears. How could this person harbor so much anger towards me and I think the world of them? That’s when I realized some of the people closest to you sometimes have the most negative things to say about you. Some things may be true but a lot of things are that person searching high and low for negatives to make you feel bad and bring you down to their hurting soul. Besides if a person who cares wants to provide criticism to you, a personal, un hostile setting would be ideal for such a situation. Some people appreciate the fact of magnifying your flaws with an attempt to humiliate you in front of others.
Those battle of words I had with a loved one recently left me physically and mentally drained. I had to step back to get away from it all and focus on me. I can’t deal with the negativity and drama so I had to ask myself why do you let people push you to stoop to their level? I’m on a different path and silly things that don’t impact myself or the world positively are beneath me. I will learn to turn the cheek more and realize there may always be just as much negative being thrown at me as positive. I cannot control others but I can most definitely control me.
A friend of mine recently offered me some advice saying, “don’t fight every battle that comes your way.” I’ve found that not everyone thinks I’m a great person. Not everyone understands and appreciate who I am. Truth is I would be one tired woman trying to battle it out with everyone who speaks or feels poorly of me. I’m confident enough to know I am an awesome, imperfect soul. I cannot argue and convince a person to see the positive in me when all they want to see is negative. Why even waste all my energy to do so when I am surrounded by others who see the greatness in me? Walking away is more satisfying than indulging myself in battles and petty drama. I try to treat everyone with kindness because that’s how I would like to be treated in return. I can control my words and thought process but I can’t control those of others. Turning a cheek to mess is the best thing ever for me. Xoxo Soulfully True
A friend of mine recently rehashed a discussion he had with someone else about the “Friend Zone”. Hmmm what is the “Friend Zone” you ask? The Friend Zone is when a person you are romantically interested in place you in the box of “just a friend”. I know you’re thinking well isn’t it good to be a friend first before anything? Yes I do agree with that but it is different levels to it. You must be clear with your intentions from the jump, do not be their counselor, do not get too friendish with them, and lastly be real and speak your mind/heart.
Firstly, you have to be real with yourself. What do you really want out of this person that you are pursuing or want to pursue? When you know what you want from them you should make that very clear in advance. Do not put yourself in a situation where you unconsciously become the go-to person for the open ear and shoulder to cry on. It’s nice to have sympathy for a person but don’t let it get too deep. I’m pretty sure this person has close friends they can already seek to vent about certain things mainly romance woes. You may want to diffuse that situation quickly before it gets out of hand.
Surely, you can get to know the person and talk about personal matters such as dreams, goals, likes/dislikes and other things of that nature. Let the conversation flow in a fun, a little flirty, and easy manner. Never let it be a one sided situation where they are sharing all of their woes and you are their adviser/counselor. Keep it light. You have to make sure they know you are not their counselor, you are a person who would love to eventually become the one for them.
When you spend time with this person, let it be known to them that you consider this a special occasion. Not saying this has to be extravagant. Rewording your invitation to them might do the trick. Example, instead of saying lets get together to hang out, why not say, “Are you free this Friday, I would love to take you out?” or instead of saying come over for pizza and movies say, “I would like to have a special in-house movie and pizza date with you, are you available”? In my opinion that’s not coming off too pushy but you are making it clear that you’re not trying to hang out as buds, you have a special interest in mind.
I can go on and on with pointers to stay out of the friend zone. Out of everything I can say most importantly, speak your mind. A closed mouth will never get fed. You are indeed the author of your own love story!!
Sometimes you just have to live for you and do you! Some people won’t like you for it but what I learned in my 25+ years is the one’s who matter in your life will roll with you however you bring it! People can be with you or against you but no matter what you gotta be you…. I may have a smart mouth sometimes, a little anti at times, talk too much at times, and a gang of other things. But I have a heart ❤ of gold and if I mess with you I mess with you for real and I have so many who can vouch for this. I have always did me without giving an explanation and stayed out the way of mess and drama. I like to associate myself with people who are on the same!! I’ve never had to force friendships or relationships!! I have people who accept me for me and want me in their life and they get the same from me. We may be different, and make different choices, and decisions but we still respect ourselves and others at all times!! If we don’t understand we gain some type of understanding. We don’t claim to be perfect just living life and doing us!! If you don’t surround yourself with people who accept you for you, you’re losing!!!